我只知道我太脆弱,太脆弱到我禁不住再一次的任何打擊與不確定。

就如同日漸年邁虛弱的雙親,曾經是自己所賴以倚靠的精神支柱,以至於有如呼吸管般賴以維生的感情,都有著無法確定的延續性。

我終於明白白石一文筆下對於人生的不屑,終究是來自於對於生命的諸多不確定與全然的失去信仰。那種足以失去信心的危機感,最後所導致對於生命全面性的漠然,甚至推論出人生最大的確定就是死亡這件事,足以讓我深刻的感受到原來人最後的安定感竟然是來自於死亡,遑論有如此多的人事物都不斷在歌頌死後的豐富性。我不知道這樣的態度是否健康,但說到底自己不太能接受對人生如此悲劇的觀視角度,但又往往覺得渴求那裡頭深層的安定與出世的療癒。

是信也罷,不信也罷,說穿了我們的人生似乎都不斷在冒險罷。不斷地在下賭注,不斷地在向孤獨下賭注。賭不知何時,或許孤獨將悄然再度回到自己的生命裡。

Reading your past is just like a glorious adventure.

I shall say it's so glad to know you much, about everything inbetween, from the past, to our near any possiblility.

But while reading more, everything seems not so real and certain.
Just wondering if this is just a kind of fancy dream? or just not endured of any testing. I have totally no ideas.

Which means, this is exactly uncertianty.

Romance is so uncertain,
although we must admit we shall be stronger and more experienced, knowing where and how it should go.
We all like to play a key role in a relationship. We all hope to see each other through. But we can't. we just can't.

Being shivering, all I hope is just be your last stop. 
I believe in faith, believe all inbetween. I believe this will never stop my rare strength to certainty.
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matrixting

Matrix's flying over

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